30.8.13

Differences between Dogs, Men and Women

1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same

  • Both take up too much space on the bed.
  • Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
  • Both are threatened by their own kind.
  • Both mark their territory.
  • Both are bad at asking you questions.
  • Neither tells you what's bothering them.
  • The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
  • Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
  • Neither does any dishes.
  • Both fart shamelessly.
  • Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
  • Both like dominance games.
  • Both are suspicious of the postman.
  • Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
  • Neither understands what you see in cats.

2. How Dogs Are Better Than Men

  • Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
  • Dogs miss you when you're gone.
  • Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
  • Dogs don't criticize your friends.
  • Dogs admit when they're jealous.
  • Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
  • Dogs don't laugh at how you throw.
  • Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
  • You can train a dog.
  • You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
  • The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
  • Dogs understand what 'no' means.
  • Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
  • Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
  • Dogs admit it when they're lost.
  • Dogs are color blind.
  • Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
  • Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

3. Where Dogs Fall Down

  • Men only have two feet that track in mud.
  • Men can buy you presents.
  • Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
  • Men are a little bit more subtle.
  • Men don't eat turds on the sly.
  • Dogs have dog breath all the time.
  • Men can do math stuff. But then, who really needs a man to do math?
  • Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it.
  • It's fun to dry off a wet man.
And the reverse-----

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN.....

  • Dogs don't ask what are you thinking.
  • Dogs don't cry.
  • Dogs love it when your friends come over.
  • Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
  • Dogs think you sing great.
  • A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
  • Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
  • The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
  • Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
  • Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
  • Dogs are excited by rough play.
  • Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
  • Dogs love red meat.
  • Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
  • Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
  • If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
  • Dogs don't shop.
  • Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
  • A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
  • Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
  • A dog's parents never visit.
  • Dogs love long car trips.
  • Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
  • Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

8 comments:

  1. OMG Georg! This is hilarious and absolutely true!

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  2. Well..Let me think about this...lol

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  3. I laughed way too hard at this one. Actually, so did my husband!

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  4. Love it, makes me laugh and smile!

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  5. Under No. 3, I particularly liked the last one. This whole list is creative, funny AND true

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